The new blog that I referenced in my last post is up and running. Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for the new URL. I’m excited for the fresh start that a new blog will bring to me, but I will greatly miss how much A Daunting Tale of Scale Warfare feels like home!
This has been the longest I’ve gone without posting in probably the five years since I started this blog. Usually when people fall off the face of the blog-o-sphere, they’re busy gaining weight, at least in this genre.
Good News: I haven’t gained any weight. Granted I haven’t really lost much either. I’ve been focusing on staying within the same 1-2 pound range, and so far that is going really well. Work is insanely busy, as is my person life, which leads me to the…
Bad News: I haven’t spoken at all about this on the blog, but I am going through a divorce. I won’t go much into it on this blog, as he reads this blog. This is probably also why I haven’t felt OK writing here. I know that I have to be much more filtered in what I say, knowing that someone that I’ve so greatly impacted is potentially reading. The fact that my weight is holding steady is amazing. A huge kudos goes out to my sleeve, but also to myself. I’m not making smart choices 100% of the time, but I am most of the time. When I do make poor choices, I’m keeping the portions small. I haven’t regularly worked out in weeks and weeks now. I am just emotionally exhausted, and exhausted from getting the house ready to sell, and having to tell people about the divorce, and work. I am trying to get some walking in, heck I walked miles and miles and miles this weekend, but nothing really formal has been happening.
It’s an incredibly difficult time, and I wish more than anything that there would have been a way to work things out. I was the one to make the final decision, and I think, that the further away from the decision that we get, the more he will see that it was the right decision. He is an amazing person, and I hope that in the end we will be able to remain friends. We just don’t work well as a married couple, we are very different people.
Now what some of you are probably wondering is, did the surgery cause my divorce. The simple answer is no. The long complicated answer is probably yes and no. I’m not going to go into details, but I will give you the big picture items.
I have changed a lot over the last 14 months or so. While at the core I’m the same person, my life expectations are very different. My priorities are different than they were 14 months ago. Health is on the forefront of my mind at every step. Not just physical health either, but emotional health as well. I want for both of us to be incredibly happy, and I know I don’t make him very happy most of the time.
I read the same statistic in several places, so I’m not entirely sure where to link to it, but something like 80% of weight loss surgery patients wind up getting divorced eventually. I didn’t know this statistic before my surgery. Would it have changed my mind about having the surgery, probably not, but it would have lead me to do more to prepare both of us for the potential. If things weren’t great before the surgery, the odds are things wont be great after.
We are both in therapy now, working through the sadness, confusion, and how to deal with the future. Hopefully we will both come out of this emotionally healed and ready to take on the world.
So what now, what do I do with the blog? I’m not sure what to do. I know that because he reads this, I wont ever feel truly comfortable, and that I would completely feel like I have to filter myself. I talked to Bella, one of my great support systems about what her thoughts are on the blog, and she gave me some great ideas. I am likely going to start a new blog, one that goes into living after the sleeve, not just making it through the recovery process. I will leave ScaleWarfare up and running, so that those who are earlier on in their journeys a place to get information that I always wished that I could find.
I’ve always been a bit incognito on ScaleWarfare, but my hope is to be a bit more open about who I really am on the new blog. Post more about living, fashion, health and fitness, and also about my everyday life. I will post full pictures of myself, and talk about the good, the bad and the ugly.
The new blog isn’t up and running yet, but it will be soon. I’m still trying to workout a name for it. Once I do, I will post my email address so that you can get the URL for the new blog.
Yes I am still alive. Yes I owe a lot of posts about my 1 year Surgiversary. They are written in my head! I have pictures taken for those posts, heck I even have outfits of the week posts ready. Finding the time lately to actually put the post on here is where the issue lies.
But ya’ll understand.
I’m going to participate in Friend Making Monday (aka FMM) this week because I’ve been jonesing to post, and I actually have a 5 minute break in my schedule.
If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!
Have You Ever?
1. Jumped out of an airplane? No. It is something I’d seriously consider though.
2. Lived alone? Yes. I actually loved living alone.
3. Met a celebrity? Yes. Dave Matthews, a few local news people, a few congressmen and women. In DC they are celebrities
4. Said something to someone that you immediately regret saying? Absolutely, who hasnt?
5. Had a manicure/pedicure? Yes, and I’m highly over due for both!
6. Gotten a hickey? Yes. I even wound up with one on my forehead once. Let’s just say, I lost that battle.
7. Owned a pet that was not a dog or a cat? Yep, I had a chinchilla for a few weeks in college.
8. Been outside of your home country? Yes. All Caribbean or Mexican locations.
9. Kissed your best friend? Yes, but not in a romantic way.
10. Eaten food that fell on the floor? Of course. 5 second rule is always followed, unless it is a wet food and then not even I can stand the amount of dog fur that has been magically attached to the food.
11. Met someone online? Yes.
12. Been on TV? Does the public school channel count? Then yes.
13. Had braces? Nope.
14. Gone skinny dipping? As an adult no.
15. Been to the opera? No.
16. Been caught making out by a policeman? Nope.
17. Sung in public? Karaoke yes, and the public appreciates that I’ve only done it a few times.
18. Handed out candy on Halloween? Of course!
19. Been snowed in? Yes. Snowmaggedons occur here once ever few years.
20. Fallen in front of other people? Yes. I’m a klutz. I fell in front of a classroom of about 1,000 people when finishing a final my sophomore year in college. Luckily it was the last thing we had to do in that class!
21. Cheated on a test? Nope. That’s not to say that I didn’t contemplate cheating, but I had too guilty of a conscious to actually follow through.
22. Regretted saying “I love you” to someone? I’ve definitely said it at times that I shouldn’t have. I’ve never been the first person to say it, but I’ve said it in response to people when I really shouldn’t have.
23. Finished a meal in a restaurant and realized that you didn’t have your wallet? Not yet!
24. Shot a gun? Yes.
25. Heard a song that was written for (or about) you? No.
I remember the weeks leading up to my pre-op liquid diet, thinking of ALL of the foods I needed to have a food funeral for. Things that I thought I would absolutely never get to eat again. Things like a big steak, sushi, pizza, pho, pad thai, huge salads out, cookies, cupcakes, really the list goes on and on. I had all of the things that I loved, in massive quantities before my liquid diet.
Guess what? I’ve had every single one of those things since I’ve had surgery. Granted I did have to wait a while to be able to have any of them. The massive portion sizes that I used to have are dramatically reduced. Now when I get sushi, I can eat three or four pieces of a roll and that’s it. I can no longer eat three or four entire rolls. Pho is still a bit tricky, Ill usually eat the meat in the bowl and maybe two or three noodles. Steak out in a restaurant turns into 3-4 meals. I have had pizza, but only one slice at a time, and rarely if ever eat the crust.
My point is, for anyone pre-op, while you might feel like you need to say goodbye to all of your favorite foods, you really aren’t saying good bye forever. You are saying goodbye for a few months yes, but forever, no. You will never again eat the portions that you once did. I don’t miss those huge portions, just like I don’t miss going into food comas and feeling like crap after eating too much.
I have bad days, days where I eat an entire snack bag of chex mix or something of that sort; Days where I go and get frozen yogurt; Days when I don’t track or eat too many carbs and not enough protein. I know none of those things make me feel good, but I have them only once in a while.
I thought I’d never have wine or alcohol again. I do, just not as often. I still have glasses of wine with girlfriends or a glass of bourbon after an especially long week. I certainly don’t drink every day, or every week for that matter. But a couple of times a month I do indulge.
Do some of these indulgences slow my weight loss down? Probably. The reality is though, that 95% of the time, I eat on track. I typically eat between 850-1200 calories a day, normally more in the mid-range of that. On a crazy day, I might get up to 1400, but that’s probably only happened 4-5 times since surgery. On workout days I eat closer to 1100-1200.
It’s so much easier for me now to turn things around. I no longer have the mentality of “well I’ll just start being good again on Monday.” If I have a bad meal, I turn my ‘ish around and make the next meal and rest of the day healthier.
What Can’t I Eat?
Is there anything that I CAN’T eat? No not really. I don’t seem to do very well with carbonation. No carbonation is really no big deal for me considering I never have been a bit soda drinker. The only time that it causes an issue is when I want to have a beer. I’ve found that I can have one, if I drink it slowly, so even that really isn’t an issue. I cannot eat huge portions like I once could. That’s the whole point of my sleeve though, so I welcome that change.
I still drink protein shakes, typically one per day. Every once in a while I will have a second as a snack, just depends on the day. I tend to mix them with water now. There are certain ones that I like more than others (Jay Robb Whey Isoloate in Chocolate or Vanilla, or Syntrax Mint Chocolate Cookie) but I like them more because of how they blend than how they taste. I drink them entirely for their protein value, and not for flavor.
I eat eggs, without fail almost every day of the week. Heck, sometimes I have them twice a day.
What does an average workday look like for me?
6-6:30 AM: Protein Shake w/ first round of daily vitamins
8:30-9 AM: 3 Egg Whites or 2 Eggs, with salsa, cheese, and sometimes another protein like bacon or turkey sausage. Most days I can eat all of this, but somedays I only get in about 75% of it.
12-12:30 PM: Leftovers from previous nights dinner, something from the crockpot, the insides of a sandwich, or a small salad. It’s always protein based, but it always varies.
3-3:30 PM: 2 Laughing Cow Light cheese wheels; another protein shake; hummus and veggies.
6-6:30PM: Small snack of some sort if it’s a gym day. More cheese, hard boiled egg, something of that sort.
8-8:30 PM: Dinner. Typically a protein and a veggie. Seafood I can typically eat 4-5 oz of. Chicken, steak, or pork it is closer to 3 cooked ounces. The veggies are typically pretty minimal.
I do need to do some work on getting in more fruits and vegetables. I’ve started to eat more salads when I go out to dinner. It isn’t that I can’t eat salads, it’s just that if I want to get my protein in, there normally isn’t room for them.
So all of that….big long post…the reality is, there is nothing that I can’t eat. My only limitation is room in my sleeve.
I can’t believe that I haven’t done a post tracking my progress since my Nine Month Surgiversary! It has been an entire year. It’s hard to believe. I will try to put into words what this year has been like, but it will be hard to encapsulate this year in its entirety.
This post will likely be a long one. Considering how rarely I have a chance to get to post these days, it’s a lot going into a single post.
A year ago today I was walking into the hospital, scared, excited, nervous, over whelmed, and trying to keep my ‘ish together so that my parents wouldn’t be scared. They were amazing. My Mom was there the entire day and didn’t once flinch through the entire process. She remained calm and never led on that she was scared or nervous for what I was about to go through.
Once I got through surgery, and headed off to recovery, I had no idea how hard, how easy, how fulfilling, how scary, how rewarding, how frustrating, and how amazing the next year was going to be. I’ve changed in amazing ways, both inside and out.
I’ve started to redefine who I am and what my life expectations are. Things that were not a priority to me before are now incredibly important to me. I’ve always thought of myself as a “healthy” type of person, even at 300+ pounds, but the reality was, that I wasnt healthy. I was probably healthier than the average 300+ pound woman, but I was by no means healthy. Being active has become not only a priority in my life, but a necessity. I can feel it physically, mentally, and emotionally when I am slacking on my workouts. I don’t feel like ME. I physically feel poorly when I have food that I really shouldn’t have. If I have a piece of cake at a birthday at work, I can feel the ill effects on my body within minutes of eating the cake. If I skip a workout, I feel completely blah the next day.
I had high, high hopes that I’d lose 100 pounds in a year. I thought that there was no way for it to actually happen, but I’ve surpassed that goal. I had high, high hopes of being able to shop in standard size stores within the first year, and sure enough I do now shop in standard sized stores. I thought my original goal was to be able to wear a 14 in a standard size store, a size that had no W associated to it. I’ve surpassed that goal as well. I’m wearings 10′s and 12′s. SERIOUSLY. 10′s and 12′s! Next up single digits…do you hear me? SINGLE DIGITS. How is that even possible?
I still have another 15-30 pounds to lose. Ten to reach my first goal….Twenty to be in a “healthy” BMI…and Thirty to get to a dream no it wont ever happen weight.
Over the next couple of days I’m going to do a few posts that answer some of the questions that I had when I was earlier on in the process, things like:
- What can I eat? What can’t I eat?
- Alcohol, yay or nay?
- Extra skin?
- Can I still lose weight after the 6 month honeymoon phase post op?
- What’s it like to have only 10-30 pounds left to lose?
- Has my mind caught up with my head?
- What will the next year bring?
If you’d like to catch up on other months in my journey they are below.
Below are photos from surgery day and then photos from 1 year post op. (FYI If you want to see all progress photo’s here’s a link.)
Photo’s from 8/22 (Day of Surgery)
Photo’s from 8/22/12 (1 Year Post-Op)
I forgot to take pictures before I started the pre-op diet, but I did take my measurements the day that I started the two week pre-op diet. The numbers below include changes since 8/8, the day I started the pre-op diet.
I havent taken measurements since the 9 month mark. Things have slowed down dramatically, so it was nice to hold off for three months and get to see bigger drops!
I only take measurements from one side of my body, some choose to take measurements from both and wind up with much higher numbers. I suppose I’m lazy about measuring!
- Waist: -14 7/8″ (-2 1/2″ since 5/22)
- Hips: -11 1/2″ (-7/8″ since 5/22)
- Right Thigh: -6 1/2″ (-1/8″ since 5/22)
- Right Calf: -4 1/8″ (-3/4″ since 5/22)
- Left Bicep: -4″ (-7/8″ since 5/22)
- Neck: -4″ (-1 1/4″ since 5/22)
- Chest Under (ribcage/bra band area): 10 1/2″ (-1″ since 5/22)
- Chest Over (cup size): -10 15/16″ (-1 1/4″ since 5/22)
- Total Lost: -70 7/16″
- Pre Op Weight Loss -12.8lbs
- Month 1 Weight Loss -20.8lbs
- Month 2 Weight Loss -16.6 lbs
- Month 3 Weight Loss -12.4 lbs
- Month 4 Weight Loss -10.2 lbs
- Month 5 Weight Loss -10.0 lbs
- Months 6-7 Weight Loss -17.8 lbs
- Months 8-9 Weight Loss -6 lbs
- Months 9-12 Weight Loss -13.6
- Total Weight Loss -120.2 lbs (-107.4 lbs Post Op)
Tata for now,
I grabbed snapshots of outfits again last week. Work is still crazy, but I am starting to manage it a bit better. I have also gotten back to consistently working out. The 2-3 workouts in a week was making me feel so blah. I got in 6 workouts last week! Several days getting in both the gym and 30 Day Shred!
Sorry about how bad the lighting is in some of these. I’m usually leaving for work before its even light out! There is a lot of a trend here…Ann Taylor, Talbots, and Nine West. I find it super easy to order from any of those places because their sizing is so consistent! I need to get out of my comfort zone though.
Saturday-Drinks with Friends.
Jeans-Old Navy Size 10; Top-Talbots size 12; Cardigan-White House Black Market Size L.
Monday-WorkSkirt-Talbots Size 12; Top-Banana Republic Size L; Cardigan-Banana Republic Size L; Shoes-Nine West (new favorites…they are pewter!)
Tuesday-WorkPants-Ann Taylor Size 12; Top-Ann Taylor Size Large; Cardigan-Ann Taylor Size M; Shoes Nine West (platform Pump LOVE)
Wednesday-WorkSkirt-Ann Taylor Size 10; Top-Ann Taylor Size Large; Cardigan-Talbots Size Large; Shoes Nine West, another platform pump. LOVE
Thursday-WorkDress-Ann Taylor Size M; Cardigan Ann Taylor Size L; Shoes Nine West.
Friday-Work (Casual Friday-Woot!)Jeans-Target Size 12 (these pants are in desperate need of being hemmed); Top Banana Republic Size Large; Cardigan White House Black Market Size L; Shoes-Ann Taylor Wedge
I worked 62 hours last week…that isnt normal, even with my crazy commuting time these days. This week should be pretty much closer to normal AND I only have to drive to Maryland twice this week. It’s sort of like being on vacation.
I have gotten my bootie back to the gym, four days in a row now. Nothing crazy, just 30 minutes on the elliptical at a time. It feels so great to be back! I am also starting a 30 Day Shred Challenge with a couple of my girlfriends. The goal is 5-6 days a week. I figure on great days I can get to the gym and do the Shred, but on other days, I can find at least 25 minutes to workout with the Shred. I did Level 1 last week, it felt awesome.
It’s hard to believe that a year ago, I was on a liquid diet preparing for surgery. I thought I’d never get through that 2 weeks of liquids (well I had lean proteins and veggies for dinner.) I did it though. It’s only 8 days until my 1 year surgiversary and I am 1 pound of way from hitting 120 pounds lost post op. I can do it, I can do it. I didn’t even imagine that I’d hit 100 pounds lost in a year!
The only blog related thing that I’ve had time for the last couple of weeks is to snap pictures of my outfits each day. I have a few weeks now saved on my phone, so I will try to sneak in a weekly post with the outfits from a previous week.
Sunday-Lunch with Friends.Capris-Searsucker Ann Taylor Size 10; Top-Ann Taylor size 12; Cardigan-Talbots Size Medium.
Monday-WorkPants-Gap Size 12; Top-Talbots Size 12; Cardigan-Talbots Size Medium; Shoes-Nine West (new favorites…they are pewter!)
Tuesday-WorkPants-TJMaxx Size 14 (these gotta go, by the time I get to work they wont stay up.) Top-Ann Taylor Size Medium; Cardigan-Talbots Size Large; Shoes Baldino (they are a dark ruby red)
Wednesday-WorkSkirt-Ann Taylor Size 10; Top-Gap Size Large; Cardigan-Talbots Size Large; Shoes Ralph Lauren
Thursday-WorkPants-New York & Company Size 14 (these are too big by the time I get to work); Top-Old Navy Size Large; Cardigan-Talbots Size Large; Shoes-Can’t remember! They are a brown houndstooth pattern with brown leather on the front.
Friday-Work (Casual Friday-Woot!)Jeans-Old Navy Size 12; Top Old Navy Size Large; Shoes-Baldino Ankle Boots
I’m on a new project at work…that requires I commute 4 or so hours (2 each way) 2-3 days a week, on a good week. Some weeks it’s only once or twice, others its all five days. It’s kicking my ass. That means I can be gone 13-15 hours those days. Makes the whole working out and having a life thing tough.
First thing that went to the to be done later pile has been working out. I’m ashamed to admit it, but its true. I’m making an effort to workout on the days that I have more hours available. But its not going that well.
Posting is going to be pretty limited. Reading others blogs has been even more limited, I currently have 843 items unread in my blog reader. I took today off just so that I could do those things that I haven’t been able to get to in the last week, you know those little things like laundry…getting food so I can quit eating leftovers from the baby shower that I threw this weekend….do some cooking so that this week goes better than last, etc.
I have a month left to my one year surgiversary. My weight is holding stable, but isn’t going down quickly at all. Its not that I’m eating poorly, heck thanks to my sleeve my super busy work days when I drink a protein shake for breakfast and then have a protein bar for lunch because thats all I have time for. Over the weekend I over indulged both days, MAS sangria, and MAS food via grazing. Today, I’m heading to the grocery store to get things back on track.
I’m sorry that I’ve been so out of the loop. I miss keeping up with all of you (especially Bella!), I miss reading the blogs, and I miss posting. For the time being though, blog posting is going to be very random, when I have the time. I might not be commenting a lot on blogs, but I am going to do my best to read and keep up to date with everyone.
I hope that you understand!
So it’s only 38 days until my One Year Surgiversary…I’ve let the last week go completely in the shitter. You’d think after almost 11 months of this post op life, I’d have a pattern down and would know what I’m doing. This last week, I let everything slip.
The crazy part is that I did really well on vacation, I even got home and was down 3 pounds (which has now been gained back.) I did something active most days. Mama Scale even did Jillian Michael’s Body Revolution (JMBR) with me a couple of days! We went kayaking, I took plenty of naps, overall a fantastic vacation. I got in my supplements every single day without fail while on my trip, vitamins and protein! That’s pretty much unheard of for me. Usually travel completely throws me off.
I did however let everything immediately slip the second I got home. Partially it was not forcing myself to immediately get back into my schedule, the other part was because I planned way to much on my return. First it was our anniversary dinner, which meant no working out unless I woke up super early (4:15AM); Then it was the husbands b-day which included going to a concert, again would have had to wake up a 4:15AM; Then it was….you get the point.
Tracking has slipped, most days I tracked breakfast and maybe lunch. There were three days that I didn’t take a single vitamin. I haven’t worked out since I was on vacation. My weight loss world has started to feel like its falling apart.
Yesterday I forced myself to get it together. I didn’t eat entirely well yesterday, but I did get in my protein shake and every required vitamin for the day. I also grocery shopped, went to the farmers market, planned meals for the week, did lots of cooking in preparation. No excuses!
I feel like I probably need to start over with JMBR. But that’s not going to happen this week. There are just too many things going on. That doesnt mean that I cant workout though. I will likely be doing either treadmill work or one of the Pinterest Workouts (my fav.) Food has been prepared for breakfast, lunches, and snacks. Dinner menu has been planned for the entire week.
I’ve got this. I just need to force myself to rinse and repeat each day.
Since I’m not getting on the scale again until July 22nd…or if I really start feeling crazy August 22nd, I am having to find other ways to gauge my weight loss successes. My food has been on point for some time now, my exercise has been fantastic, but since Im not getting on the scale I don’t know how I am doing. The whole not getting on the scale thing is hard for me, really hard. But I know that for me to not go insane from not seeing it move, I have to say buh-bye to it for a while. Each day gets a little easier.
So I shoved my butt into two pairs of size 12 jeans a few weeks ago. It was a bit like sausage in a casing. I could button them, but they were TIGHT. Well I tried them on Saturday morning, after realizing that a few of my newer size 14 work pants were getting way too easy to button up, and sure as shit, the size 12 jeans were no longer sausage casings!
I headed to the mall on Saturday to have dinner with a couple of friends. The mall was PACKED because so many people in the DC area are without electricity due to the insane storms that swept through here on Friday. It was worse than Christmas time, I’ve never seen the mall so busy. There were people lined up by eve plug in the mall to get their laptops charged or cell phones charged. I hate big huge crowds of people in the mall. I can’t stand that many people with no direction paying no attention to anyone or anything around them.
So anyways, back to the point of this post…I escaped the crowd and headed into The Gap since they were having what appeared to be a massive sale. I still feel like I don’t belong when I go into standard, non-plus sized stores. I feel like someone is going to catch on that I should really have a W or multiples of X’s on my size labels. I picked up a dress (XL), 4 pairs of trousers (16′s), 2 pairs of jeans (16′s), and a couple of tops (XLs). Every blasted one was too big. So I went back out and grabbed the next size down…rinse and repeat, until I had size 12′s and larges…the dress almost fit in a MEDIUM! I SHIT YOU NOT, I now wear a size 12 pants. How insane is that? I started out in 24′s. Never in my life did I ever think that I’d see a size 12.
They do need to be hemmed, I’m going to work on that in the next couple of days, but they button without issue. The muffin top, I’m not entirely sure that is going to go anywhere without surgical intervention, BUT I created the skin from gaining the weight, so I have to deal with the results of that. I still do have 20-30 lbs to go, so it will likely reduce some as time passes.
The best part? Clothes actually go on REALLY good sales in the “normal” section. You do have to wait for the sales, but clothes are so much more reasonably priced. I think it’s such BS, that as a plus sized person you have to pay so much more for clothes and you have such a smaller selection to choose from.
The pants started out at $59.50, got marked down to $22.99, and then were 40% off of that! Just under $14 for trousers! Please ignore my horrendously under moisturized nails.