No, no, I’m not saying good bye to the blog, this is an entirely different topic. My eating has been a bit out of control lately. I have gotten things back in check this week, however, since making the firm decision to go with Lap Band surgery, I feel like over all my food decisions have been based on a single thought “how much can I get in me NOW?”
I feel at times, as though I’m on a farewell to food journey. Thoughts passing through my head such as “I better eat a lobster roll now, since there is now way I can get bread in post-surgery.” Or, “I better eat everything on my plate, because after surgery I won’t be able to do that.” I’ve been taking action on most of these thoughts, which has led to a substantial weight gain. While I am back to tracking, and doing well at it honestly, I feel like I am one restaurant visit away from things going badly.
I need to keep reminding myself that the surgery isn’t even close yet, heck I haven’t even been approved yet! I have to keep things in check for several reasons:
1-I want to get as healthy as I can pre-surgery so that I heal more quickly.
2-I don’t want to be even further from goal weight.
3-It’s going to be hard making so many life style changes at once, but there’s no reason to make it even harder by going all out with food between now and then.
4-I’m not actually saying good bye to food, I’ll still be able to eat most of the same things, just in much, much smaller quantities.
This all might not make sense to anyone who’s never lived a life of disordered eating. I wonder things like “What will full feel like?” “What will a healthy weight actually feel like?” “Please, please, don’t let me mess this up too.”
I’ve been reading your blog for a while and recently, reliving my decision to get gastric bypass surgery. I wish I had been as diligent as you are, weighing my options, going through every step of the process that you have. Thinking about the future the way that you currently are.
I didn’t. I jumped right on in with desperation to lose the weight. I made the decision and just went with it.
To answer a couple of your questions:
“What will full feel like?” It’s a unique feeling that I never really had before surgery. I know exactly what it feels like now. I don’t know if everyone feels the same way, but for me it’s kind of a thought process of, boy, my tummy just feels full of food, the thought of putting another bite in my mouth will make me sick. Yes, there have been times where, due to being an emotional eater, I’ve ignored that and taken the bite, only to know I couldn’t possibly swallow it… and spit it right back out (discretely, y’know).
“What will a healthy weight feel like?” I’m still workin on it, but getting down there feels great! With every pound lost, my body feels stronger. My mind feels stronger.
I commend you on your journey, you will do great! I look forward you to seeing how things go along the way, walking the path with you. You will succeed, because you are preparing yourself in the best possible way… with knowledge.
HUGS!
Cita-Thank you so much for your reply! The answers to the questions are great
I’m going to jump over and check out your blog now 
Wow, can I relate to this post. I think that through the process of being approved and meeting the required elements of the LB surgery, we will become healthier in both body and mind. I hope so!!
I agree! I need to remember that it’s a process and a journey. I’m sure I’m not the only person ever to decide to have the procedure and decide to over indulge.
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