I have this internal dilemma of sorts that I’ve been trying to work out. Who exactly do I tell about the Lap Band surgery? I have this strange feeling that someone(s) in my “real life” has found the blog. There’s no particular reason that I feel that way, other than some comments that were made this past weekend. Perhaps I was reading too far into them, perhaps I wasn’t. I’ve had the blog for 4 years now, you’d think at least one or two people would have found it by now, but then again, this whole Weight Loss Blogger community is a lot like the Mommy Blogger weight loss community is some ways. We each tend to stick to our topic and in our own worlds.
I wouldn’t say that I want to keep the surgery a secret, it’s more that I know certain people in my life are not very supportive of me to begin with, so I don’t really want to hear their opinions on the topic of bariatric surgery. I have made the decision to have the surgery for numerous reasons, and I don’t feel that certain people would understand those reasons regardless if they were ever willing to actually sit down and speak with me while not being judgmental. Then again, the same people that I am worried about could turn out to be the least judgmental of them all, it’s hard to tell.
So far, the only people that I know, know, about the surgery (besides the doctor and his staff and of course all of you) are my Mom, my husband, and a very close friend of mine who has also spent most of their lives working on their weight. I know that by the time I am approved for the surgery, I will tell a couple more of my very close girlfriends, the ones that I’m close enough with that I had them stand beside me at my wedding. I know that my closest friends will be incredibly supportive of me. They all know the struggle that I’ve been through, and will know that this decision didn’t come lightly, nor is it the “easy” way out.
I doubt that I would ever lie about having the surgery if someone asked, but I also don’t really want to wear a banner across my chest that says “LAP BAND SURGERY HAPPENED HERE” with an arrow pointing at my belly. I’ve failed at so many weight loss attempts in my life, that perhaps part of me is scared that I could fail at this too. I’m scared of people saying “well you gave up and took the easy route.” Because, major surgery, and having a life of follow up visits isn’t the easy route. But it might be hard for people who aren’t in my shoes to empathize with that.
Part of me wants to just publicize openly that I have this blog. The majority of people in my life, probably 99% of them would be 100% supportive. It’s that 1 % that keeps me from posting pictures of myself and being more open about who I actually am. One day I will have the confidence to just come out with it. Maybe it will be sooner than later.
If you were in my shoes, who would you tell? Would you hold it close to your chest like a poker hand or would you shout to the world what is going on?
This afternoon is my consult with the surgeon…excited!
I really understand where you’re coming from.
Personally I wouldn’t tell anyone else yet. First get approved and make sure you’re really going to go ahead with the surgery and then you can tell the people you know will support you.
If you are worried that there are those who will say mean or ignorant things, then they haven’t won your confidence and you don’t owe them any special treatment or info.
This is just my personal opinion and obviously you need to decide based on your personal relationships but I really do believe that while it’s wrong to lie, it’s also not necessary to reveal personal information to everyone. Obviously major surgery will effect not just you but your family so they need to know and be prepared. But other people – only if you want to.
I agree on the waiting to get approved to tell people. It would be awful to get 100% ramped up, tell everyone and then bam the surgeon tells me that this just isn’t going to happen for me!
I have told my husband, my mother and one of my close friends (and of course all of blog land.)
The thing that really has stuck out to me is reading other peoples blogs and it’s stated over and over again, you can never take it back once you tell someone. It’s so simple yet so true. I want to be careful with who I tell, this journey is mine, and I dont want someone to try to mar it for me.
Here’s my take on it:
We’re all here blogging. We know that what we write can be read by people who know is in RL and by perfect strangers. We’re here for support and to support others, and/or to blog our feelings and thoughts about our journey.
Surgery is part of that.
I know that on my own blog I blogged it all from my first thoughts to my results. I hope that by sharing my own journey I can both gain perspective from it and offer information to others considering the same path.
In “RL” I also tell everyone. So far it’s benefited some of my friends, one of whom went for bypass herself and was cured of her diabetes. I hope my eldest daughter and my sister and my college chum all get surgery. They’ve been fighting for years, are morbidly obese, and at terrible risk.
Surgery isn’t anything to be ashamed of. It’s you taking control of your medical condition and your life. It’s something to be proud of. And if we all talk about it openly, honestly and unashamedly, perhaps some of the stigma and prejudice will go away.
People need to be educated. You’re in a unique position to do just that.
Thank you so much for the response Kate! It’s tough, a big part of me wants to scream it to the world (after I’m approved) and the other part of me wants to keep it close to my chest. At some point in the journey, I’m not sure where yet, I’ll be more comfortable about becoming an educator on the topic.
Do you still have a blog? Id love to read your story
I saw via google some youtube posts, I will check those out for sure!
Personally, I’ve already told my closest friends, my family, and a few of my colleagues. And that’s about all I’m going to tell. Like you, if someone asks me I’ll be honest, but there really isn’t a burning need for most people to know. Especially since I’m (like you) looking at the Lap Band as a weight loss tool, similar to WW or a food journal, etc. Nothing more, nothing less. Because while it will help me stay fuller longer, it isn’t going to stop me from eating fattening food – only I can do that. So it’s still going to be a lot of blood, sweat, and tears on my part (and yours).
I really hope you stop being scared of what those judgmental people will think/say if they find out you are having wls. Who cares? You know they’re not your true friends, so why does it even matter? And I think that’s how I would respond to them – “why does it matter to you what I’ve chosen to do with my weight loss?” And then leave it at that. Just my two cents.
Love you, and I’m so glad that you’re expressing all of these thoughts, because they’re similar to the things I’ve been pondering for months, but never gave voice to.