One of the things you hear over and over again when you’re pre-op is that they surgery might remove 85% of your stomach (or re-route your intestines, or place a band around your stomach, etc) but the doctors do not cut into your brain to remove the head hunger. While I certainly do not think about food in the non-stop way that I used to, I do still have challenges with head hunger.
Yesterday, the day after Halloween, was the day that apparently EVERY SINGLE co-worker brought in either their extra candy or the candy that their kids didn’t like. It was like Willa Wonka’s freaking factory in our communal kitchen (actually it still is today.) You couldn’t walk down a row of cubes without hearing someone un-wrapping some piece of sugar laden goodness. It was a bit as though I was being stalked by the Sugar Monster (he dresses in chocolate, and has toffee in him in my mind, haven’t you seen him?)
The talk about the candy, the seeing of the candy, the smelling of the candy, etc., lead me to have the same conversations with myself that I had pre-op when I was on a diet/life style change. I sat at my desk and negotiated with myself. I said “Self, YOU DON’T EVEN REALLY LIKE SWEETS!” or “Self, if you don’t eat that candy, you get to have a tasty {blech} protein shake in less than an hour.” Or. “Self, you’re going to be driving home in less than an hour, just make it 60 more minutes’ candy free.”
I reminded myself that I was in fact not hungry nor do I really even like sweets that much. I promised myself that I would fill up my water bottle at the water cooler on the other side of the building. I thought about how far I’ve come and how far I have to go. I thought about having my insides cut out, and how could I possibly do that and then head down the slippery slope of all things candy coated and potentially onto grazing?
I’m in charge of this body, not the Candy Monster. I am in charge of what goes in my mouth, not the devil on my shoulder who is reminding me how I love to eat Kit-Kat bars one layer at a time. I reminded myself of what it feels like to be in a food coma from too many carbs or too much sugar. I also reminded myself of the pain that I went through during recovery from surgery and tearing a stomach muscle.
I think part of the temptation was/is that I had four pieces of Halloween Candy on Halloween. I let the sugar back into my body, and now I’m dealing with the consequences.
Yesterday I did survive. Even though it took a lot of positive self-talk about why I shouldn’t walk my bootie into the communal kitchen and grab whatever piece of candy caught my fancy.
I suppose I’m writing this for several reasons.
- As a reminder to my future self that while Sleevie McGavin is amazing at portion control, I am the boss.
- As a reminder to those further out from surgery that it is up to us to put the proper nutrition in our bodies.
- As a notice to those who are either pre- or post-op that the header hunger, the cravings, the wanting of things that aren’t on our “approved” lists, will still call our name from time to time.
My cravings and head hunger are certainly lower than they ever were pre-op. I do have to remind myself when I get busy that I have to eat now. I don’t start wondering what is for dinner at breakfast time. I don’t drive by fast food and immediately crave it and feel myself pulling into the drive through as though someone else is controlling my body. I forget to take things out for dinner. I see other people’s portions and am often a bit disgusted by them. Food no longer controls me the majority of the time. But there is another percentage of time that I deal with the same head hunger struggles that I dealt with pre-op.
Tata for now,
Scale Warfare























